51 lines
3.1 KiB
Markdown
51 lines
3.1 KiB
Markdown
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The dog stays blissfully asleep. :)
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Since last time, I have found a bit more resolve on what I'm going to do about
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this whole PhD thing. I have decided I am going to earnestly try to find a topic
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that fits with the lab's formal methods bend--at least for the rest of the
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spring and into the beginning of the summer. I am taking action to try and find
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a topic, like trying to read more surveys and actually doing things. This past
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week was not necessarily super successful in that regard, but on the margins was
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an improvement. Oh, well.
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There is a couple reasons I think this is the right move. First, I am already
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here. Any other route that ends with my PhD will add extra time before I am
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finished. Any job search right now is also probably not a great idea, since
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Trump and his merry men are starting a trade war, and consequently likely a
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recession. I am in a good position right now, and there is value in taking stock
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of the opportunity that I have.
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Robert also lended some helpful advice: certainly the topic of my PhD does not
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pigeon hole me into a field for the rest of my career. I think this is true in
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a restricted sense, but not in the general sense. For my sake, this means if I
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do something formal methods adjacent, it does not mean I need to be stuck in
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formal methods forever, but also I should be careful that the work I do also
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lends itself to another field I find interesting. One such area is perhaps using
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formal methods with artificial intelligence to leverage these tools to create
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explainable AI based control.
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I need to read more to really understand what that can be. Update to come.
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Now for a slight change of pace, some more personal details.
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The pursuit of an apartment for Amber and I continues to be a contentious topic.
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Amber was quite upset coming back from her trip that I 'did not take care of
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myself'--her accusation is that I did not eat balanced meals or in general act
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with personal motivation to do things that are good for me. This also compounded
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with my food habits with my night classes. I have eaten out a lot recently before
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class instead of cooking food at home the night before or so. Amber attributes
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this to lazyness. This argument culminated in her saying that she feels more
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like a mom than a girlfriend. That makes me really upset.
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Do I think she is right? Well, in terms of food, sure. She has a good point. I
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could certainly eat better, and this past weekend I see what she is saying about
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balanced meals. Fair point and this is something I must correct. Something that
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does make me worried however is this idea that she is like my mom rather than
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my girlfriend, and more broadly that she feels I make changes because she tells
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me so rather than because I want to on my own. This is a frustrating catch-22 in
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my opinion. If I do not learn what is upsetting her, I cannot change that
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behavior. But, if she tells me and I do change that behavior, she takes credit
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for it and gets upset anyways. Honestly, it makes me feel like damned in a way.
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I'll try and change nonetheless, but it is incredibly demotivating to think
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she will believe it is just because 'she told me so'.
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