3.1 KiB
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The dog stays blissfully asleep. :)
Since last time, I have found a bit more resolve on what I'm going to do about this whole PhD thing. I have decided I am going to earnestly try to find a topic that fits with the lab's formal methods bend--at least for the rest of the spring and into the beginning of the summer. I am taking action to try and find a topic, like trying to read more surveys and actually doing things. This past week was not necessarily super successful in that regard, but on the margins was an improvement. Oh, well.
There is a couple reasons I think this is the right move. First, I am already here. Any other route that ends with my PhD will add extra time before I am finished. Any job search right now is also probably not a great idea, since Trump and his merry men are starting a trade war, and consequently likely a recession. I am in a good position right now, and there is value in taking stock of the opportunity that I have.
Robert also lended some helpful advice: certainly the topic of my PhD does not pigeon hole me into a field for the rest of my career. I think this is true in a restricted sense, but not in the general sense. For my sake, this means if I do something formal methods adjacent, it does not mean I need to be stuck in formal methods forever, but also I should be careful that the work I do also lends itself to another field I find interesting. One such area is perhaps using formal methods with artificial intelligence to leverage these tools to create explainable AI based control.
I need to read more to really understand what that can be. Update to come.
Now for a slight change of pace, some more personal details.
The pursuit of an apartment for Amber and I continues to be a contentious topic. Amber was quite upset coming back from her trip that I 'did not take care of myself'--her accusation is that I did not eat balanced meals or in general act with personal motivation to do things that are good for me. This also compounded with my food habits with my night classes. I have eaten out a lot recently before class instead of cooking food at home the night before or so. Amber attributes this to lazyness. This argument culminated in her saying that she feels more like a mom than a girlfriend. That makes me really upset.
Do I think she is right? Well, in terms of food, sure. She has a good point. I could certainly eat better, and this past weekend I see what she is saying about balanced meals. Fair point and this is something I must correct. Something that does make me worried however is this idea that she is like my mom rather than my girlfriend, and more broadly that she feels I make changes because she tells me so rather than because I want to on my own. This is a frustrating catch-22 in my opinion. If I do not learn what is upsetting her, I cannot change that behavior. But, if she tells me and I do change that behavior, she takes credit for it and gets upset anyways. Honestly, it makes me feel like damned in a way. I'll try and change nonetheless, but it is incredibly demotivating to think she will believe it is just because 'she told me so'.