hehe

.sessions/Journal.vim

@@ -14,12 +14,14 @@ else
   set shortmess=aoO
 endif
 badd +1 ~/Documents/Dane\'s\ Vault/Journal/2025_07_30.md
-badd +9 ~/Documents/Dane\'s\ Vault/Writing/Journal//JRNL-20250904-135850.md
+badd +10 ~/Documents/Dane\'s\ Vault/Writing/Journal//JRNL-20250904-135850.md
+badd +96 ~/Documents/Dane\'s\ Vault/Writing/Journal//JRNL-20251003-174601.md
+badd +0 journal_config.txt
 argglobal
 %argdel
-edit ~/Documents/Dane\'s\ Vault/Writing/Journal//JRNL-20250904-135850.md
+edit journal_config.txt
 argglobal
-balt ~/Documents/Dane\'s\ Vault/Journal/2025_07_30.md
+balt ~/Documents/Dane\'s\ Vault/Writing/Journal//JRNL-20251003-174601.md
 setlocal foldmethod=manual
 setlocal foldexpr=0
 setlocal foldmarker={{{,}}}
@@ -30,12 +32,12 @@ setlocal foldnestmax=20
 setlocal foldenable
 silent! normal! zE
 let &fdl = &fdl
-let s:l = 9 - ((1 * winheight(0) + 30) / 60)
+let s:l = 13 - ((12 * winheight(0) + 33) / 66)
 if s:l < 1 | let s:l = 1 | endif
 keepjumps exe s:l
 normal! zt
-keepjumps 9
+keepjumps 13
-normal! 0
+normal! 018|
 tabnext 1
 if exists('s:wipebuf') && len(win_findbuf(s:wipebuf)) == 0 && getbufvar(s:wipebuf, '&buftype') isnot# 'terminal'
   silent exe 'bwipe ' . s:wipebuf

.sessions/nvim_config.vim

@@ -17,9 +17,10 @@ badd +44 custom/configs/lspconfig.lua
 badd +1 custom/taskwarrior.lua
 badd +11 custom/init.lua
 badd +203 ~/.config/nvim/lua/custom/plugins.lua
+badd +117 custom/journal.lua
 argglobal
 %argdel
-edit ~/.config/nvim/lua/custom/plugins.lua
+edit custom/journal.lua
 let s:save_splitbelow = &splitbelow
 let s:save_splitright = &splitright
 set splitbelow splitright
@@ -36,10 +37,10 @@ set winminheight=0
 set winheight=1
 set winminwidth=0
 set winwidth=1
-exe 'vert 1resize ' . ((&columns * 95 + 95) / 190)
+exe 'vert 1resize ' . ((&columns * 87 + 87) / 174)
-exe 'vert 2resize ' . ((&columns * 94 + 95) / 190)
+exe 'vert 2resize ' . ((&columns * 86 + 87) / 174)
 argglobal
-balt custom/configs/lspconfig.lua
+balt ~/.config/nvim/lua/custom/plugins.lua
 setlocal foldmethod=manual
 setlocal foldexpr=v:lua.vim.treesitter.foldexpr()
 setlocal foldmarker={{{,}}}
@@ -50,12 +51,12 @@ setlocal foldnestmax=20
 setlocal foldenable
 silent! normal! zE
 let &fdl = &fdl
-let s:l = 203 - ((53 * winheight(0) + 30) / 60)
+let s:l = 3 - ((2 * winheight(0) + 32) / 64)
 if s:l < 1 | let s:l = 1 | endif
 keepjumps exe s:l
 normal! zt
-keepjumps 203
+keepjumps 3
-normal! 016|
+normal! 0
 wincmd w
 argglobal
 if bufexists(fnamemodify("custom/taskwarrior.lua", ":p")) | buffer custom/taskwarrior.lua | else | edit custom/taskwarrior.lua | endif
@@ -73,15 +74,15 @@ setlocal foldnestmax=20
 setlocal foldenable
 silent! normal! zE
 let &fdl = &fdl
-let s:l = 280 - ((43 * winheight(0) + 30) / 60)
+let s:l = 280 - ((0 * winheight(0) + 32) / 64)
 if s:l < 1 | let s:l = 1 | endif
 keepjumps exe s:l
 normal! zt
 keepjumps 280
 normal! 09|
 wincmd w
-exe 'vert 1resize ' . ((&columns * 95 + 95) / 190)
+exe 'vert 1resize ' . ((&columns * 87 + 87) / 174)
-exe 'vert 2resize ' . ((&columns * 94 + 95) / 190)
+exe 'vert 2resize ' . ((&columns * 86 + 87) / 174)
 tabnext 1
 if exists('s:wipebuf') && len(win_findbuf(s:wipebuf)) == 0 && getbufvar(s:wipebuf, '&buftype') isnot# 'terminal'
   silent exe 'bwipe ' . s:wipebuf

Writing/Journal/JRNL-20251003-174601.md

@@ -0,0 +1,146 @@
+---
+id: JRNL-20251003-174601
+title: Friday, October 03, 2025 - 05:46 PM
+type: journal
+created: 2025-10-03T21:46:01Z
+modified: 2025-10-03T21:46:01Z
+tags: [journal]
+---
+
+# Friday, October 03, 2025 - 05:46 PM
+
+Hi Journal, it has been a minute. I've had a lot of updates
+since last time, but I've been a slacker when it comes to
+actually writing them. But today, I really need to write out
+what has been on my mind. I've been weighed down with some
+thoughts these past couple of days that are really affecting
+me.
+
+I met a girl named Matilda on Hinge. We've been on four
+dates, and I can tell that she really likes me so far. She
+is really, really nice to me and frankly has reset the bar
+for me on what I expect from a partner. Matilda works in
+human resources for UPMC, does not drive, and lives
+Downtown. She does corporate HR, which basically means she
+does HR for other HR departments, and special one-off
+departments that don't have their own HR department.
+Apparently, hospitals have their own dedicated HR units, so
+shes above them, in a way.
+
+Matilda is just over five feet tall, has blonde
+just-past-shoulder length hair, and gorgeous sky blue eyes.
+She's really quite intelligent from what I've gotten to know
+of her so far, and is incredibly kind. She smiles at babies,
+dogs, holds doors open for people, and is generally so
+friendly. She really inspires me in that way. She treats
+people with zero biases and reliable warmth.
+
+Her family is from Sewickley. Her dad is some sort of
+designer, who not too long ago had his company bought and
+not long after was laid off. He is between jobs right now
+and not having a lot of luck finding work given his age. Her
+mom happens to work for the company that laid him off. She's
+got a background in government affairs, but is working in a
+finance role. She has a brother named Addison who does
+computer science work for a company called Grant Street
+Group. Addison lives in Brooklyn, and is a couple years
+older than Matilda.
+
+One thing I really don't know about Matilda right now is
+about her hobbies. The last I really dug into them was on
+Hinge with her. She listed her hobbies as exploring PGH,
+reading, trying new recipes, and traveling. Do we have any
+of those in common..? Not particularly, but we do share some
+passion cooking and reading. She likes to read a lot of
+memoirs, she has said. She also likes to bike.
+
+There are some things about Matilda that I really like.
+First, she's inspiring with how friendly she is. She, just
+by being herself, makes me think that I'm too cold to the
+world and too defensive. She makes me feel really good
+about myself, is always excited to be around, and doesn't
+judge me. She's been very reciprocal in just about every
+case so far. She refuses to let me pay for some dates,
+bought our coffees on the first date (and refused to let me
+pay!), likes to be the big spoon *and* the little spoon.
+She's a big cuddler and I absolutely love that. There is
+some serious physical chemistry.
+
+One thing I really like about Matilda is she is curious
+about the world and people. I feel like I can talk to her
+about anything. She is extremely approachable, genuinely
+interested in me, easy to talk to.
+
+There are also some things about Matilda that really
+intimidate me going forward. For one, I really want somebody
+to tinker with, and I don't think she's ever going to fill
+that need. She does not drive, and while I don't think
+that's a forever problem, it's not exactly conducive to my
+biggest hobby being working on my cars. I really don't want
+to give that up, to be honest, but also I don't want to
+force a hobby like that on someone. That's reason enough I
+think it might not really work out.
+
+But, here's another problem. I want to be a dad one day. I
+asked Matilda if she ever would want kids, and she opened up
+to me about a couple of concerns she actually has about
+having kids. Matilda has a DNA translocation between
+chromosomes 2 and 8 that places her in a much higher
+likelihood of having a miscarriage, or passing defects on to
+kids. Also, Matilda had a cleft palate when she was born,
+which though corrected, required several surgeries at UPMC
+Children's Hospital. She credits that as one of her big
+drivers to working at UPMC. But, she could also pass that
+cleft palate onto a kid. Between these two genetic issues,
+having kids for her is actually a super challenging issue
+before even considering any external factors like climate
+change or the current political climate. There are
+mitigating factors, like IVF or an egg donor, or even
+CRISPR, but that would be so much for her to go through if
+she didn't 100% want a kid, too. She said she's had previous
+relationships end over this topic, and honestly teared up
+some while talking about it.
+
+Matilda and I have had four dates so far, which is an
+insanely short time to even begin to say you know someone.
+She makes me feel so good, but these are big issues. Am I
+going to fast trying to figure all these things out? Part of
+me feels like the answer is yes, but also part of me feels
+like if these are dealbreakers I need to kill things now.
+
+Which is another thing that makes me feel crazy and
+horrible. Last night, I spent the night at Matilda's. We
+didn't have sex, but we stopped just short. We were
+definitely both into it (see physical chemistry), but the
+emotions are weighing on me very heavily. I gave her one of
+my hoodies to wear if she likes, which I think she really
+does. It makes me happy to see her so happy. But part of me
+is wondering if I'm settling and compromising on what I
+might actually need in my lifetime. 
+
+I don't know how to go forward from here. Do I really know
+her enough to know? How do I go forward without really
+hurting her? Is it too late? I don't know. I know she agrees
+that we barely know each other yet. Is it immoral to keep
+seeing her? I do like her, but this is different from the
+plan I had in my head. I also am worried of something more
+insidious, where subconsciously I'm neglecting her future
+pain for my short term enjoyment. That makes me feel beyond
+fucked up. I couldn't end things with Amber previously, and
+I don't want this to be the same problem. I definitely need
+to talk to my therapist Rachel about this next time I see
+her.
+
+I'll see Sam and Eric tonight at Applebee's to discuss
+planning Sam's bachelor party, and maybe we'll have some
+time to talk about this.
+
+Writing about this has made me feel a bit better. Also,
+listening to *Year of the Banana* has helped, too.
+
+Last but not least, I gave Matt his STI wheels back today. I
+overheard his dad might be going into the ER today just as
+we were finishing swapping wheels. I should check on him
+soon.
+
+

Writing/Journal/journal_config.txt

@@ -1,6 +1,14 @@
-# Journal Config
+# Journal Compilation Config
+# Edit this file to customize your journal PDF output
+
+# Pandoc options (one per line, without leading dashes)
 pdf-engine=xelatex
-V geometry:margin=1.5in
+V geometry:margin=1in
-V fontsize=12pt
+V fontsize=11pt
 toc
+toc-depth=2
+
+# Title page info
 V title=My Journal
+V author=Dane
+V date=October 2025