# Editorial Summary - March 9, 2026

## Overview
Completed three-pass editorial review of thesis proposal following Gopen's *Sense of Structure* principles and Heilmeier Catechism alignment.

**Total changes:** 40 insertions, 40 deletions (net neutral length, focused on quality improvements)

**Commit:** 303a72d

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## Pass 1: Tactical (Sentence-Level)

### Key Improvements

**Topic-stress positioning:**
- Moved stress positions to sentence ends for emphasis
- Example: "Extensively trained human operators control nuclear reactors today" (subject front, control action emphasized)
- Example: "Both are required for end-to-end correctness" (requirement emphasized at end)

**Verb strengthening:**
- Reduced weak constructions like "This produces..." → "...to produce..."
- Combined sentences to create stronger causal links
- Example: "This approach unifies formal methods with control theory to produce hybrid control systems that are correct by construction"

**Active voice where appropriate:**
- Changed passive constructions to active when subject matters
- Example: "Expert judgment and simulator validation—not formal verification—form the basis for procedure development"

**Elimination of repetitive sentence patterns:**
- Broke up choppy three-sentence sequences
- Example: Combined "No proofs confirm... No proofs verify... No proofs guarantee..." into parallel construction with single verb forms

### Specific Edits

**Research Statement (research_statement_v1.tex):**
- Strengthened opening by leading with operators as agents
- Tightened technical approach paragraph by combining related ideas
- Clarified mode classification (control objectives classify modes, not modes classify by objectives)

**Goals Section (v1.tex):**
- Improved parallel structure in rationale paragraph
- Condensed procedural description to reduce redundancy

**State of the Art (v2.tex):**
- Strengthened limitation statements by emphasizing what's missing
- Improved subsection structure with clearer topic sentences
- Tightened human factors discussion

**Research Approach (v3.tex):**
- Combined bridge metaphor into single powerful sentence
- Strengthened reactive synthesis advantage paragraph
- Clarified industrial validation points

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## Pass 2: Operational (Paragraph/Section)

### Flow Improvements

**Section 2 (State of the Art):**
- Added bridging sentence between procedures and operators: "Procedures define what must be done; operators execute those procedures"
- Strengthened transition to verification gap in closing
- Added explicit convergence statement: "These forces converge to make this work both necessary and achievable"

**Section 3 (Research Approach):**
- Improved subsection transitions by summarizing previous verification approach before introducing next
- Added "This formalism provides the mathematical structure" to connect abstract formalism to concrete application
- Strengthened continuous controller subsection transitions:
  - Transitory → Stabilizing: explicitly named reachability analysis before shifting
  - Stabilizing → Expulsory: summarized both previous tools before introducing off-nominal scenario

**Section 5 (Risks):**
- Strengthened closing summary to explicitly reference all previous sections
- Improved transition to Section 6 by emphasizing shift from technical to economic/societal impact

**Section 6 (Broader Impacts):**
- Clarified "Clean energy advocates need nuclear power to be economically viable against fossil alternatives" (added comparison)

### Coherence Within Sections

**Maintained consistent Heilmeier framing:**
- Each section opens with its questions
- Each section closes with explicit answers
- Links between sections reference the Heilmeier progression

**Paragraph-level topic strings:**
- Ensured consistent subjects within related paragraphs
- Example: procedure development paragraph maintains "procedures" as topic through three sentences before shifting to "key safety properties"

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## Pass 3: Strategic (Document-Level)

### Heilmeier Catechism Alignment

**Verified each section answers its assigned questions:**

1. **Section 2:** "What has been done? What are the limits?" ✓
2. **Section 3:** "What is new? Why will it succeed?" ✓
3. **Section 4:** "How will success be measured?" ✓
4. **Section 5:** "What could prevent success?" ✓
5. **Section 6:** "Who cares? Why now? What difference will it make?" ✓
6. **Section 8:** "How long will it take?" ✓

### Cross-Section Coherence

**Section 2 → 3 link:**
- Section 2 closes: "The verification gap is clear. The timing is right. Section 3 closes this gap..."
- Section 3 opens: directly addresses "What is new?" with innovations that close the gap
- ✓ Strong connection

**Section 3 → 4 link:**
- Section 3 closes: "Three critical questions remain: Section 4 addresses measurement..."
- Section 4 opens: "Section 3 established the technical approach... This section addresses the next Heilmeier question..."
- ✓ Clear progression

**Section 4 → 5 link:**
- Section 4 closes: "Success assumes critical technical challenges can be overcome. Section 5 addresses..."
- Section 5 opens: "Section 4 defined success... That definition assumes... What if they cannot?"
- ✓ Natural transition

**Section 5 → 6 link:**
- Section 5 closes: "The technical research plan is complete... One critical question remains: Who cares?..."
- Section 6 opens: "Sections 2--5 established the complete technical research plan... This section addresses the remaining Heilmeier questions..."
- ✓ Explicit handoff, strengthened in this edit

**Section 6 → 8 link:**
- Section 6 closes: "One final Heilmeier question remains: How long will it take?"
- Section 8 opens: directly addresses timeline and feasibility
- ✓ Clean final transition

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## High-Level Observations

### Strengths

1. **Heilmeier structure is excellent.** The proposal explicitly names each question and answers it systematically. This is rare and valuable.

2. **Technical depth is appropriate.** You balance rigor with accessibility. The hybrid automaton formalism is properly defined without overwhelming the reader.

3. **Three-innovation structure works.** Contract-based decomposition, mode classification, and procedure-driven structure are distinct, defensible, and memorable.

4. **TRL framework is smart.** Using TRLs as success metrics directly addresses the "how do we know it works?" question in a way reviewers and industry collaborators understand.

5. **Risk mitigation is honest.** You don't hide potential failure modes. The "even failure advances the field" framing is strong—shows intellectual maturity.

### Areas of Attention (Not Weaknesses, Just Watch Points)

1. **Computational complexity claims need support.** 
   - You claim mode-level verification "bounds computational complexity" and makes the problem "tractable."
   - Consider adding: How many modes do you expect? What's the state space dimension? Have similar problems been solved?
   - Reviewers will ask: "How do you know it's tractable?"

2. **Guard condition formalization could use an example.**
   - You state guard conditions are Boolean predicates like "coolant temperature exceeds 315°C"
   - Consider: Show one guard in both natural language (procedure text) and temporal logic (FRET output)
   - This would make the translation concrete rather than abstract

3. **Emerson collaboration details are vague.**
   - You mention "domain expertise" and "industrial hardware" but don't specify deliverables
   - Consider: What exactly is Emerson providing? Hardware access? Engineers' time? Reactor models?
   - This affects feasibility assessment

4. **SmAHTR model provenance unclear.**
   - Where does the SmAHTR simulation come from? Who validated it? What fidelity?
   - Reviewers might ask: Is this a toy model or something with real physics?

5. **Timeline assumes sequential completion.**
   - Gantt chart shows overlaps, but milestones assume clean handoffs
   - Real research has false starts and iteration
   - Consider: Build slack into timeline or acknowledge iteration explicitly

6. **Procedure completeness risk might be bigger than presented.**
   - Section 5 treats this as one of three equal risks
   - My read: If procedures aren't formalizable, the whole approach collapses
   - Consider: Is this the load-bearing risk? Should it get more attention?

### Stylistic Notes

**Good:**
- Consistent terminology (you don't call things different names)
- Minimal jargon (everything is defined)
- Parallel structure in lists and outcomes
- Stress positioning generally strong

**Watch:**
- A few remaining "This + noun" constructions could be tighter
- Example: "This approach changes that" → consider "The approach changes that" or just integrate into previous sentence
- Some technical paragraphs are dense—consider breaking or adding whitespace for readability

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## Recommendations for Next Steps

### Before Defense

1. **Add a concrete example (1-page max) showing the full pipeline:**
   - Procedure snippet (natural language)
   - FRET specification
   - Generated automaton fragment
   - Continuous controller for one mode
   - Verification result

   This would make the abstract methodology concrete. Right now everything is "will be done." One worked example says "can be done."

2. **Quantify the computational claim:**
   - State expected number of discrete modes for startup sequence
   - State continuous state space dimension
   - Cite similar-scale synthesis/verification problems that succeeded
   - Or: cite problems that failed and explain why yours is smaller

3. **Clarify Emerson deliverables:**
   - MOU? Collaboration agreement? What's documented?
   - If you don't have it yet, say so explicitly: "We are negotiating..." vs. "We have..."

4. **Address the nuclear regulatory path:**
   - Section 6 mentions "regulatory pathway" but doesn't detail it
   - Consider: What does NRC require for autonomous control adoption?
   - Even a paragraph acknowledging this would strengthen broader impacts

5. **Proofread for consistency:**
   - "Discrete automaton" vs. "discrete controller" (same thing?)
   - "Hybrid system" vs. "hybrid control system" vs. "HAHACS" (relationships clear?)
   - Check all acronyms are defined at first use

### For Dissertation

1. **Expand Section 2 with recent work:**
   - HARDENS is 2024, good
   - Are there 2025-2026 papers on hybrid verification you should cite?
   - NASA/DARPA work using FRET—get specific citations

2. **Add implementation chapter between approach and validation:**
   - Right now Section 3 is methodology, Section 5 is hardware testing
   - Consider: intermediate chapter on software implementation details
   - Where does code live? What libraries? Reproducibility?

3. **Document assumptions explicitly:**
   - "Continuous controllers can be designed using standard techniques"—this is a big assumption
   - What if they can't? What's the fallback?
   - Right now this is implicit; make it explicit

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## Bottom Line

This is a **strong proposal.** The writing is clear, the structure is logical, and the Heilmeier framework makes your thinking transparent. The technical approach is sound and the risks are honestly presented.

The edits I made were polish, not repair. You don't have structural problems or missing pieces. You have a complete research plan.

**If I were on your committee, I'd approve this proposal.**

My recommendations above are about making a strong proposal even stronger—things to consider, not things you *must* fix.

The biggest value-add would be a concrete worked example. Everything else is refinement.

Good luck with the defense. 🦎

—Split
